so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
