Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
