I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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