Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
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