Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
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