I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
i was born a porn star she said
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize