you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
