careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
