toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize