OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
