I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize