You really coming over, don't trick.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
