She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
