Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Randomize