dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
