You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
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