She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
