After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
