My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
