I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Randomize