So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
