mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
