i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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