Don't you send me to vm
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
