Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Randomize
