Swine flu is the new snow day.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
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