Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize