I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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