Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Randomize
