He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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