He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I don't deserve a penis
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Randomize
