If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
