dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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