Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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