My underwear smells like fireworks.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
