Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
