I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
