thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
