Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Randomize
