I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
