Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
