I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
You have to summon your inner elephant
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
