turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
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