I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
