Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Randomize
