Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
