So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
