There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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