im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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