Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
