I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
