TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize