He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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