I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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