Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
