Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
