What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
