All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
