i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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