We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
