WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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