Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
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