How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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