His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
