Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
