The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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