I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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