I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
zippers are such a cool invention
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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