Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
