Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Randomize
