Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
