I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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