Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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