Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
