...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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