I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
My vagina is officially offended.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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