you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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