Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize