please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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