no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
