Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
