shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Randomize
