And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
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