I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
