I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Randomize
