Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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