Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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