I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
