Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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