If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
