i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
