You just made me feel so damn special
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
