honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
