I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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