birth control should be required to get into college
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
