Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
