i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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