were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
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