why didn't you poke me back
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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