did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
