I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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