Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
