I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
